Beckett's Story pt. 4

In february I decided to be referred to an infertility specialist

just to try and be on top of the physical side of things. Remember, I knew God was going to make us physically able to have a child of our own but I also knew as much as I believe He could heal me He still had not chosen to do it. I looked at going to the doctor as one of the ways He may choose to do this and just give it a shot. I really  had NO clue what to expect going in there. I knew there would be a lot of questions I had to answer and maybe tests I had to take but in all reality it had me pretty anxious not knowing what to expect or what news they were going to give me.

$250 later I left his office with news  that my body could physically carry a pregnancy

and a prescription for 5 days worth of  medication that would help me track my ovulation, thus making it easier to try and get pregnant. I had instructions and a little worksheet I would have to fill out every day and fax in at the end of the month. Other than that, I was pretty much clueless. Overall it was good news and once again, just a waiting game. I told Zach and said “Ya know, if we do this I COULD get pregnant this month. Are we ready?” And apparently we thought we were so I filled the prescription and started my daily log of temperatures.

Part of me really tried to not think about why I was filling out this worksheet every day because it made me anxious, but I couldn’t help it.

I was actively trying to get pregnant… knowing that I may or may not. I knew God promised me. “Would it be this time? Or just like everything else in life, are we going to have a long battle ahead of us? It doesn’t matter. He is good and He is faithful. He will deliver on His promise to me.” Those were the thoughts in my head day after day all month long. Not to mention I had no clue what these charts and temperatures and circles I had to make meant. I didn’t know if I was filling anything out correctly or  how knowing my temperature was going tell me anything… but thankfully there are doctors who do.

So at the end of the month I went to the library and faxed them my worksheet. Yes, the Midwest City Library. I have to admit it was a little weird going in there to fax my doctor a diagram with all of the days I had sex in the last month on it but… we have no fax machine? Sooo, yeah. I was honestly just hoping I faxed it to the right number and that it went through to them. I hadn’t gotten a call from them and was thinking I would so I decided to call them. She assured me they had received it and if they had any questions about it they would call me back.

My phone rang

and I answered expecting the nurse to ask me a million questions about my diagram because truthfully I had no idea if I had filled it out accurately. Instead she had 2 simple questions. “Well, did you have a cycle?” I said, “No…” and she followed with “Well, did you take a pregnancy test?” At this point I was pretty confused. “No, I didn’t know I was supposed to.” She answered me so matter of factly my mouth hit the floor,

“Well according to your paper, you’re pregnant.”

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