I’m just a human. I am no super wife, super mom, or super anything for that matter. I give all the glory for anything in my life to GOD and hope that He is pleased. Easier said than done. I am writing Beckett’s story but in all reality her story is just part of GOD’s story. I pray that through reading this you would find a sense of the Holiness and Sovereignty of GOD. I pray you find hope for your hopeless situation. I pray that any word I write is only from the Father. I pray you finish reading this and can breathe knowing that GOD is in control of every single thing on this planet and you can trust Him wholly. Beckett’s life began only because GOD ordained it to begin. This is the story of our little Beckett Faith Dumbleton.
After you get married everyone starts asking you almost immediately when you plan on having kids. It’s pretty annoying, especially when you have no idea if you are medically capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy. Let me back up for a minute…
I got married July 9, 2018. My husband is an amazing man of God and I am so thankful for him. Our son is not his biological son but unless you already knew that you would never know the difference. The first time I got pregnant I was 18 years old, not married, and in an extremely toxic relationship. It was a bad situation all around, besides the amazing gift of life that was growing inside of me. But my point in telling you this was that it was apparently super easy for me to get pregnant because I clearly was not trying. After having my son my medical records got complicated. For some reason I completely stopped having regular cycles, stopped producing hormones, found out I am a carrier of MTHFR, struggled with horrible cystic acne, and the list goes on and on
because I knew the sooner we started working on it the sooner we could figure out what was in the cards for us. So it turns out that if you don’t produce hormones, you don’t create a lining in your uterus which is necessary for that monthly cycle and necessary to carry a pregnancy. Even if that lining is there but not thick enough, you’ll likely miscarry. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear while you are wanting to dream about having children with your husband. And super frustrating when you think back to just how EASILY you got pregnant the first time.
I love GOD. I know He is faithful. But I also knew that just because GOD promised Sarah in Genesis that she would bear a son in her old age (seemingly impossible situation) didn’t mean he was going to give us a baby. Really hard pill to swallow. Oh wait, so that whole God grants you the desires of your heart thing isn’t true? Well, it’s true, but you have to know its context. God grants us the desires of our hearts, as they are in line with HIS desires. What if His desires are not for us to biologically produce our own child? Zach couldn’t bear the thought of this and I couldn’t bear the thought of putting myself through all sorts of spiritual warfare for nothing. At the end of the day I believe GOD does whatever HIS will is, not what ours is. I knew we both desired to have more children, but in what way was that supposed to come about? Was it even supposed to come about at all? I know I hadn’t asked, and I was pretty sure Zach hadn’t either.
Are we supposed to have more children, and if so, in what way do you want to make this happen?
I had to submit this question to GOD. Honestly, very anxious about His answer. I knew it would be the right answer but I didn’t know if it would be the one I wanted.