Beckett's Story pt.3
One of the most important things in life is to have a few good friends around you to encourage you, correct you, and believe with you. Hans is one of those friends for us. If you don’t know him, you should. One evening talking with him and my lovely husband I was sharing them with my frustration I had been dealing with. I told him how it was draining to go do altar ministry because of all the people who kept needing the same prayer that I did or celebrating the exact thing I was praying for.
Another good friend had used the story of the lady in the bible with the issue of blood when I had went up for prayer one day. I was also telling them about this when Hans stopped me in my tracks and pointed out another person in the story. He talked about Jairus who had come searching for Jesus because his 12 year old daughter was on her death bed. He knew Jesus could heal her. I had always been told this story and been related to the lady with the issue of blood. “If you have enough faith to reach out and touch His robe, He will heal you. You just have to believe enough. Why don’t you believe, what is hindering your belief?”
The issue with that was I did believe God could heal me if he wanted to…
but for whatever reason He was choosing not to so it always left me confused and frustrated and like I was supposed to work for something that I could never attain.
Hans said, “Maybe you’re looking at the story wrong. Maybe your Jairus, and not the lady with the issue of blood. Jairus had to wait on Jesus to heal the woman before he ever considered leaving her and coming to his daughter’s rescue. Maybe that’s the point of the story for you.” This of course blew my mind… once again, I was focusing on myself. I focused on myself so much that I couldn’t even see what He was really trying to show me. Hans also said, “I don’t know what this means or how it applies but I feel like I’m supposed to share with you guys the number 12. Maybe check if your pregnant in 12 weeks or something, I don’t know.. I just keep feeling like He is telling me the number 12.”
Side note- The lady with the issue of blood had been bleeding for 12 years and Jairus’ daughter was said to be 12 years old. This was not realized until later on when I was studying the story myself. God’s way of doing things is so cool and I could never orchestrate it how He does.
This was one more block in the wall of faith I was trying to build.
One more word that confirmed that God was most definitely up to something, and it was going to be good. So good.
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Our church does a 21 day fast every year in January and this year I decided during my fast I would submit more to God than I had ever done before. I felt called to fast breakfast and lunch, not allowing myself food until at least 3:00 pm. In the past I had given up coffee or social media but the Lord told me if I wanted to hear more, He wanted me to submit more. I decided to do it. So I submitted myself to Him each and every day, soaked myself in the Bible and allowed Him to begin to speak to me clearer than I had ever experienced before. He spoke to me about a large number of things but I will stick to just what applies to Beckett’s story specifically. By the end of the fast I realized the Lord wanted us to have more children, and He wanted us to have them the natural way.
Good ol’ love makin’.
Something pretty cool that happened during all of this was the way God tested me. At the time I served on the altar ministry at church and so every week at the end of service I would go up front and people could come and pray with me. I absolutely love praying with and for people but during this time in my life… God had a grand sense of humor. Almost every single person who would come to me would relate to me in some way.
“I have a thyroid disorder I need healing for.”
“I am struggling with infertility”.
“My health is making it hard for me to get pregnant.”
“I am pregnant but I am afraid for my babies health because of my health issues.”
“I am pregnant and just wanting prayer for my unborn child.”
God, really? Like, I need the exact same things to happen. And I’m supposed to rejoice with these women who have what I am praying for? Part of me was happy for them but part of me was also really jealous. And to have myself praying for other people to have miracles when I didn’t yet have a promise from God for mine was extremely difficult. I wanted to believe for them and honestly I did, but I couldn’t believe for myself.
Before God answered me and gave me peace He presented me with opportunity after opportunity to pray for other people and believe for them that they would receive their miracle. It showed me that truly it isn’t about me and I needed to stop making it about me.
God gave me peace. One day during the fast I sat down with my bible and started reading in Ecclesiastes. I demolished that book all day long just tearing through it soaking in the word. It was when I came to chapter 11 that God gave me the peace I had been wondering if He had for me. It says
“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the bones are formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Sow your seed in the morning, and do not rest your hands in the evening, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or if both will equally prosper.” Ecc. 11: 5-6
There it was.
My promise, my word from God. I have to admit even after Him speaking this to me I was skeptical. He didn’t give me a timeline. He didn’t give me a name or a gender or anything like that. All I had from Him was peace to continue on going to doctors and spending time, money, and energy waiting for Him to do what I knew in my heart was truly for us. This was the moment I realized, “OK I can trust God in this.”. I believed that God had plans for us to biologically have a child of our own not because in Genesis He said to go forth and multiply or because He promised children to several barren women in the bible. I believe I got a promise from God for ME and for our family because I truly surrendered my hearts desires to Him and said Father, is my heart in alignment with yours?
You guys, I want you all to get this because it changed my relationship with God and it took me to a place of surrender that I had not experienced before. I felt 100% confident in standing on that promise because I knew without a doubt in my mind that only He gave me that peace. It wasn’t because I romanticized being pregnant. It wasn’t because my belief in my child-bearing abilities was strong enough. I didn’t speak His word as some formula to get what I wanted to happen. For once in my life I was believing a promise from God simply because He gave me the grace to truly surrender it to Him. I finally had stopped making it about myself or what I could do to influence Him to give me what I wanted. I truly only desired what He desired for us.
I had my promise and I would stand on it for as long as He wanted me to. I would wait and believe that He was good and He would do what He said He would. I would go to doctors if necessary and I would fight all of the negative thoughts in my head.
I knew how to fight because I had fought before, and if I had to fight to keep my belief strong I would do it.
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I’m just a human. I am no super wife, super mom, or super anything for that matter. I give all the glory for anything in my life to GOD and hope that He is pleased. Easier said than done. I am writing Beckett’s story but in all reality her story is just part of GOD’s story. I pray that through reading this you would find a sense of the Holiness and Sovereignty of GOD. I pray you find hope for your hopeless situation. I pray that any word I write is only from the Father. I pray you finish reading this and can breathe knowing that GOD is in control of every single thing on this planet and you can trust Him wholly. Beckett’s life began only because GOD ordained it to begin. This is the story of our little Beckett Faith Dumbleton.
After you get married everyone starts asking you almost immediately when you plan on having kids. It’s pretty annoying, especially when you have no idea if you are medically capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy. Let me back up for a minute…
I got married July 9, 2018. My husband is an amazing man of God and I am so thankful for him. Our son is not his biological son but unless you already knew that you would never know the difference. The first time I got pregnant I was 18 years old, not married, and in an extremely toxic relationship. It was a bad situation all around, besides the amazing gift of life that was growing inside of me. But my point in telling you this was that it was apparently super easy for me to get pregnant because I clearly was not trying. After having my son my medical records got complicated. For some reason I completely stopped having regular cycles, stopped producing hormones, found out I am a carrier of MTHFR, struggled with horrible cystic acne, and the list goes on and on
After getting married I decided to try and figure out the hormone problems
because I knew the sooner we started working on it the sooner we could figure out what was in the cards for us. So it turns out that if you don’t produce hormones, you don’t create a lining in your uterus which is necessary for that monthly cycle and necessary to carry a pregnancy. Even if that lining is there but not thick enough, you’ll likely miscarry. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear while you are wanting to dream about having children with your husband. And super frustrating when you think back to just how EASILY you got pregnant the first time.
I love GOD. I know He is faithful. But I also knew that just because GOD promised Sarah in Genesis that she would bear a son in her old age (seemingly impossible situation) didn’t mean he was going to give us a baby. Really hard pill to swallow. Oh wait, so that whole God grants you the desires of your heart thing isn’t true? Well, it’s true, but you have to know its context. God grants us the desires of our hearts, as they are in line with HIS desires. What if His desires are not for us to biologically produce our own child? Zach couldn’t bear the thought of this and I couldn’t bear the thought of putting myself through all sorts of spiritual warfare for nothing. At the end of the day I believe GOD does whatever HIS will is, not what ours is. I knew we both desired to have more children, but in what way was that supposed to come about? Was it even supposed to come about at all? I know I hadn’t asked, and I was pretty sure Zach hadn’t either.
Are we supposed to have more children, and if so, in what way do you want to make this happen?
I had to submit this question to GOD. Honestly, very anxious about His answer. I knew it would be the right answer but I didn’t know if it would be the one I wanted.
That’s how the journey started.
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It has been a whole year since you left us. A year full of changes and growth. A year filled with laughter and tears. An entire year has gone by that we have not been able to share with you or ask you for advice. I barely got to know you, and I miss you. I have to admit I wish I would had so much more time with you. I wish all of us would have had more time with you.
I thought about you when I found out I would be carrying your grandchild. I knew how much joy you would have been filled with if you had been able to hold them in your arms and teach them everything you know.
I thought about you often when Elijah asked me hard questions and I wasn’t sure how to answer him in a way an 8 year old would understand. You were so good with handling his fragile heart and understanding how to communicate with children, and I miss that.
I missed getting to celebrate you in the way most people got to celebrate their mother-in-laws on mothers day. I would have loved to have written you a pretty card and brought you flowers or taken you to dinner. I wish I could have honored you on that day the way I had always planned to.
At Christmas I did my best to bring memories of you to our family. I asked your son what items you made during the holidays that he would miss, and I did my best to execute making them. I am sure they missed the special flavor of a mothers love, but I tried.
It’s hard going to your house and you aren’t there.
You aren’t around to help me in understanding how to love your son well and be a good wife to him. I wish so badly I could still call you and ask you how in the world you managed to raise this difficult man, whom I love so dearly.
I think of you when I see Josh play the piano. I think of you when I hear David sing your praises. I think of you when I see the tender heart of Daniel. I think of you when I see Zach and his love for Jesus and children. I think of you when I see your sisters and hear them talk about memories with you. You touched every single person you came in contact with, so I see you all around.
There is so much I didn’t get to ask you.
There is so much wisdom you didn’t get to share with me. So many memories we missed out on making together. I am truly so sad that you aren’t here, but I have to rejoice.
_You showed me how to have strength in God’s love, even in the middle of fighting cancer.
_You showed me how to have grace and mercy to your children and husband.
_You warned me about the Dumbleton men and how much I was getting myself into coming into your family.
_You shared recipes with me.
_You adored each of your children equally, but uniquely.
_You took Elijah in immediately as your own grandson.
I have to rejoice in the time and moments we did share together. In the years of life you spent raising the man I married, you gave me a piece of you I will have forever. I have to rejoice because I know that no matter how much I miss you, you are with your heavenly Father. You are in the midst of perfection and you are not sad or missing us at all.
I will rejoice, because I know your lips are rejoicing for all eternity.
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Being a spouse is seriously hard work.
I know everyone tells you that when you’re going to get married, just like they tell you when you’re having a child how fast time flies by. I went to lunch with a friend recently and we began sharing how incredibly hard marriage truly is. She is in her third year with no children yet, and I am coming up on my one year anniversary with an 8 year old and a baby on the way. We found it pretty comical that we actually struggle with a LOT of the same things in our marriages even though our day to day lives look a little different.
Today I’m going to share about a book I just recently finished
and how I intend to implement some of the things I learned from it into my marriage. The title of this book was “A Wife After God’s Own Heart. 12 Things That Really Matter In Your Marriage.” By Elizabeth George. You can click the image of the book to purchase on amazon!
1. Growing in the Lord. 2. Working as a Team. 3. Learning to Communicate. 4. Enjoying Intimacy. 5. Managing Your Money. 6. Keeping Up the Home. 7. Raising Your Children. 8. Extending Love to Family. 9. Tending Your Career. 10. Making Time for Fun. 11. Serving the Lord. 12. Reaching Out to Others.
These are the 12 things she teaches about in her book but in order to keep you attention I will refrain from giving my thoughts from every chapter and just focus on the main 3 I feel that I struggle the most with! Don’t judge me!
_Learning to Communicate
This one may surprise some of you because I am a writer. I have a job where I communicate with people face to face every single day. I deal with confrontation and I will be the first to tell you I won’t shy away when faced with a difficult conversation. The problem with that in marriage is that sometimes it is more important to listen than it is to talk. My husband and I are polar opposites so the way I say things may be perfectly fine when I hear it in my head, but can seem very disrespectful by the time my words hit his ears. I have had to learn to check with him during conversations to make sure that whatever message I am trying to convey is being heard the way I intend it to be heard. He in the same way has to let me know when I fail to communicate in a way that is honoring and respectful. I encourage him in this and ask for his constructive criticism, but that’s not to say I don’t get it wrong or that sometimes he fails to let me know when I’ve gotten it wrong.
_Keeping Up The Home
So, this one is probably a problem for most people. Does anyone else have expectations set for your husband that he can’t really meet? Men are so different from us. For 7 years I lived on my own and took care of the household on my own. When I saw things that needed to be done I did them and I did them to meet my expectations. We fail as wives when we set expectations for our husbands to do a job the way we would, when we would. There really is nothing wrong for wanting things done in a timely manner or done a certain way. The first problem here is not letting your husband know what the expectations are and then being disappointed in his attempt when he is finished. The second problem is how we confront the issue when it comes up. We have to come to them thankful for all of their efforts and realize it is not their fault for not achieving the goal WE had in mind. We also cannot expect our husbands to read our minds. I don’t know of many men who think to themselves, “Man, I bet my wife started a load of laundry today and I should move it to the drier when I get home after my long day at work.” My husband is SO helpful in this area, and a lot of the times he will see a need and just take care of it. I am truly blessed in that and I know it. But it also doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I have to be very specific in my requests for what I need help with and also when I would like it to get done. This goes back to learning to communicate!
_Making Time for Fun
Who has time for fun when you have work, appointments, kids activities, church, personal goals, and maintaining a household? Who even has time to have a fun conversation when you need to discuss upcoming bills and vacations and all of the things you need to work on in your marriage? The best part of this chapter to me was it got me thinking about when Zach and I first started dating. We had fun doing anything and everything together! We stayed up until 4 am watching absolutely absurd documentaries and I would drive an hour by myself to go watch his country band at a casino in the middle of nowhere. We were exhausted, and we were having a BLAST the entire time.
Our life looks a lot different now.
We have so many responsibilities but making time for fun is absolutely necessary. Keeping a strong friendship when you are married, founded on GOD, is what is going to pull you through all of the other things. Let’s be honest, we don’t always feel love toward our spouse. My friend told me she half jokingly, half seriously tells her husband, “I really don’t like you right now!” And if we would all be honest there are a lot of us who feel that way a lot of the time. In order to fight that, we must schedule time to enjoy one another. We have to pay the babysitter and spend time cultivating the experiences we enjoyed at the beginning.
I could go into so much more detail, and if you are interested in my opinions on the other chapters, let me know! I have no problem doing another book review post on the same book! Please subscribe, and I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling in their marriage. It is more about what YOU can do, and less about what HE needs to do… so keep that in mind!
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