I’m just a human. I am no super wife, super mom, or super anything for that matter. I give all the glory for anything in my life to GOD and hope that He is pleased. Easier said than done. I am writing Beckett’s story but in all reality her story is just part of GOD’s story. I pray that through reading this you would find a sense of the Holiness and Sovereignty of GOD. I pray you find hope for your hopeless situation. I pray that any word I write is only from the Father. I pray you finish reading this and can breathe knowing that GOD is in control of every single thing on this planet and you can trust Him wholly. Beckett’s life began only because GOD ordained it to begin. This is the story of our little Beckett Faith Dumbleton.
After you get married everyone starts asking you almost immediately when you plan on having kids. It’s pretty annoying, especially when you have no idea if you are medically capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy. Let me back up for a minute…
I got married July 9, 2018. My husband is an amazing man of God and I am so thankful for him. Our son is not his biological son but unless you already knew that you would never know the difference. The first time I got pregnant I was 18 years old, not married, and in an extremely toxic relationship. It was a bad situation all around, besides the amazing gift of life that was growing inside of me. But my point in telling you this was that it was apparently super easy for me to get pregnant because I clearly was not trying. After having my son my medical records got complicated. For some reason I completely stopped having regular cycles, stopped producing hormones, found out I am a carrier of MTHFR, struggled with horrible cystic acne, and the list goes on and on
After getting married I decided to try and figure out the hormone problems
because I knew the sooner we started working on it the sooner we could figure out what was in the cards for us. So it turns out that if you don’t produce hormones, you don’t create a lining in your uterus which is necessary for that monthly cycle and necessary to carry a pregnancy. Even if that lining is there but not thick enough, you’ll likely miscarry. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear while you are wanting to dream about having children with your husband. And super frustrating when you think back to just how EASILY you got pregnant the first time.
I love GOD. I know He is faithful. But I also knew that just because GOD promised Sarah in Genesis that she would bear a son in her old age (seemingly impossible situation) didn’t mean he was going to give us a baby. Really hard pill to swallow. Oh wait, so that whole God grants you the desires of your heart thing isn’t true? Well, it’s true, but you have to know its context. God grants us the desires of our hearts, as they are in line with HIS desires. What if His desires are not for us to biologically produce our own child? Zach couldn’t bear the thought of this and I couldn’t bear the thought of putting myself through all sorts of spiritual warfare for nothing. At the end of the day I believe GOD does whatever HIS will is, not what ours is. I knew we both desired to have more children, but in what way was that supposed to come about? Was it even supposed to come about at all? I know I hadn’t asked, and I was pretty sure Zach hadn’t either.
Are we supposed to have more children, and if so, in what way do you want to make this happen?
I had to submit this question to GOD. Honestly, very anxious about His answer. I knew it would be the right answer but I didn’t know if it would be the one I wanted.
That’s how the journey started.
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It isn’t a good feeling. You get a knock at the door and suddenly you are faced with the reality that everything that has become normal to you may change, again. You spent all of this time getting used to things being one way and then just like that you are thrown back into the uncertainty of what your future holds. I hate not being in control.
I will be transparent and honest with you guys even though it scares me. I have promised to always do my best to be real and if I am to be real right now it would sound something like this.
I’m super pissed off.
I am feeling feelings I haven’t been forced to face for almost 2 years now. Doubt. Worry. Anger. Anxiety. Frustration. Sadness. Confusion. ALL OF THEM came rushing in as soon as I opened our front door. I have questioned God a few times recently but the agony in my heart and confusion in my spirit had not been as strong as it was in that moment for quite a while. All I wanted to do in that moment was YELL. I cried out to God, Why? It was the only thing I could muster up to ask Him. It is still lingering in the back of my mind. Why is this happening? Why now, why EVER? I thought I was done with this fight.
It’s a terrible feeling to know that you cannot do certain things.
You can only protect your children so much. You can only do so much to lead a healthy lifestyle. You can only do so much to get your finances under control. There is only so much you can do to heal a relationship. There is only so much you can do to be successful in your job and move forward. We hate seeing we have limits to what we can control and how much we can move the things in our lives that we seriously hate or desperately want to change.
I’m a human and all I want is to be in control of everything, but thank God I am not.
I will not tell you guys this fight is easy. It’s the hardest battle I have ever fought in my life. But it isn’t the first and I am sure it won’t be the last. I am so thankful to God that HE is in control and that He is GOOD and that we can trust Him. You guys, it is so hard in the flesh to shut up all of the what if’s in my head. It is so hard to ignore the enemy when he is screaming in your face “IT’S YOUR FAULT, LOOK WHAT YOU DID. YOU REALLY SCREWED THIS UP. GOOD LUCK.”
But God has NEVER ever failed us.
I don’t have any clue what the outcome is going to be. It’s scary. But the arms of God are so comforting. He reminds me over and over again of His justice and mercy. I must always, always remember that He is Sovereign and He has it all orchestrated perfectly. He has planned my steps and has a plan. It is not my job to know His plan, just to follow His calling. He has called me to have faith in Him and believe in His goodness. I cannot say I am obeying the LORD and dwell in anxiety and anger and worry because that is proof that I don’t believe He will do what He said He will.
He has given me the promise of peace (Philippians 4:7) and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). He has promised me salvation in Jesus name (Acts 4:12). He has promised to make me strong and courageous because He will never leave me (Deuteronomy 31:6). He has promised to deliver me from ALL of my troubles (Psalm 34:19). And He has promised to help me (Psalm 46:1).
I do not know the outcome. I do not know what He has planned.
But those are a few things I do know. I must stand on the promises He has given me. I refuse to sit back and let my mind run wild and forget all of the things He has done. I refuse to live as if I don’t believe He will do all He has said He will do.
Please pray for us during this time. Further information I cannot disclose, but we are in a fight. Pray for us as we battle first in our hearts and minds, which is where the biggest and hardest part of the fight is. We love you. If you need prayer for a fight you are in, please let us know.
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Well we have dedicated most blog posts in the series so far to one bucket list experience per post, but this time we are going to include 3!
I am sure most of you who live in Oklahoma have spent a day at the OKC Zoo & Botanical Gardens. We all know after being at least once what to expect. You can expect a relatively cheap entry price at the gate for $8 per person, a humid reptile room, and some smelly rhinceros’ as you walk the semi shaded hilly pathways. You can also expect to spend a lot of money on all the extra’s if you aren’t prepared! I packed up Elijah and Landen for the day and we took off to go experience all the zoo has to offer. We packed our lunches so we saved money on that and we even got to see the King of the Jungle! He is rarely sited, at least from my experience. We didn’t play in the splash pad area or the playgrounds because by the time we had walked the ENTIRE zoo, I was completely zonked. We usually skip walking all the way back to the giraffes because there is not much to see on the way out there, its not a shaded walk, and it’s uphill. No thank you! But this time, we made the trek. You could say I was a warrior on this day because I was still in my first trimester of pregnancy!
_MOM TIP #1
If you want to experience the WHOLE zoo and everything they have to offer, they have passes that accomodate extra activities which will make it cheaper than getting inside and buying it all separate!
Another fun thing Elijah and I did this summer was we went out to the Martin Nature Park in Edmond.
This was of course after we grabbed burgers at a new place in Chisholm Creek called Hopdoddy Burger Bar! I ordered the Goodnight/Good Cause burger which has angus beef, Tillamook cheddar, caramelized onions, jalapeños, caffeinated BBQ, their special sassy sauce, Lettuce, and Tomato. Let me tell you! It was delicious!! If you haven’t eaten there yet, you must! So after our bellies were full we headed down memorial a few miles and went into Martin Nature Park! This was such a neat little park with a small play area, ponds with lots of turtles, and a few exhibits inside. One of the best parts we enjoyed were the walking trails that go all through the park. We hunted for some bugs and enjoyed a nice shaded walk. Overall, fun afternoon and the Martin Nature Park is totally free!
_MOM TIP #2
I suggest bringing a friend or a few here because Elijah probably would have enjoyed the park area more if we had! First trimester moms aren’t too much fun to play with on the playground!
On our way home from Martin Nature Park, we stopped at Hobby Lobby.
Elijah had been complaining so much about all of the flies in the house and who am I kidding, I was sick of them to! So his idea was to get one of those Venus fly trap plants! At Hobby Lobby we found one that he could plant with everything included for $14.99. It came with a glass jar, little rocks, and the “soil” type thing we put the seeds in. A couple things that were frustrating were the fact that we had to go buy distilled water at Walgreens after reading the instructions. That’s the kind of water you have to use to water it, so we had a bit of a delay on getting to plant it! But once we got back from Walgreens with our water, assembling the plant and planting the seeds was relatively easy besides the fact that they are TINY! We finished planting them all and thats when Elijah realized it would take 1-3 months for any seeds to sprout. That’s one of the problems with living in a society where you can get everything pretty much whenever you want it! PS: we still have yet to see any seeds sprouting! Eek.
_MOM TIP #3
Anytime you go to Hobby Lobby, always pull up their 40% off any item coupon on your phone! As long as what you are purchasing isn’t already on sale, it’s a quick way to save almost 1/2 off what you planned on purchasing!
I hope this gave you a few new ideas that you can incorporate into the last couple of weeks of Summer!
And if we can’t fit them all in, maybe they can be fun weekend ideas after the school year begins! As always, thank you for reading & please subscribe to follow along with the Dumbleton’s!
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It has been a whole year since you left us. A year full of changes and growth. A year filled with laughter and tears. An entire year has gone by that we have not been able to share with you or ask you for advice. I barely got to know you, and I miss you. I have to admit I wish I would had so much more time with you. I wish all of us would have had more time with you.
I thought about you when I found out I would be carrying your grandchild. I knew how much joy you would have been filled with if you had been able to hold them in your arms and teach them everything you know.
I thought about you often when Elijah asked me hard questions and I wasn’t sure how to answer him in a way an 8 year old would understand. You were so good with handling his fragile heart and understanding how to communicate with children, and I miss that.
I missed getting to celebrate you in the way most people got to celebrate their mother-in-laws on mothers day. I would have loved to have written you a pretty card and brought you flowers or taken you to dinner. I wish I could have honored you on that day the way I had always planned to.
At Christmas I did my best to bring memories of you to our family. I asked your son what items you made during the holidays that he would miss, and I did my best to execute making them. I am sure they missed the special flavor of a mothers love, but I tried.
It’s hard going to your house and you aren’t there.
You aren’t around to help me in understanding how to love your son well and be a good wife to him. I wish so badly I could still call you and ask you how in the world you managed to raise this difficult man, whom I love so dearly.
I think of you when I see Josh play the piano. I think of you when I hear David sing your praises. I think of you when I see the tender heart of Daniel. I think of you when I see Zach and his love for Jesus and children. I think of you when I see your sisters and hear them talk about memories with you. You touched every single person you came in contact with, so I see you all around.
There is so much I didn’t get to ask you.
There is so much wisdom you didn’t get to share with me. So many memories we missed out on making together. I am truly so sad that you aren’t here, but I have to rejoice.
_You showed me how to have strength in God’s love, even in the middle of fighting cancer.
_You showed me how to have grace and mercy to your children and husband.
_You warned me about the Dumbleton men and how much I was getting myself into coming into your family.
_You shared recipes with me.
_You adored each of your children equally, but uniquely.
_You took Elijah in immediately as your own grandson.
I have to rejoice in the time and moments we did share together. In the years of life you spent raising the man I married, you gave me a piece of you I will have forever. I have to rejoice because I know that no matter how much I miss you, you are with your heavenly Father. You are in the midst of perfection and you are not sad or missing us at all.
I will rejoice, because I know your lips are rejoicing for all eternity.
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I really hope you guys have enjoyed the summertime bucket list blogs so far!
Today is another totally free post! I have made a point time and time again to advise you to make. Your bucket list according to what your kids are interested in! It makes it so much more for them and for you as well! So let’s get started.
_MOM TIP #1 Get a library card
Most of you with school aged kids have seen the papers that come home where you are able to log your reading time each day. In our house we aim to read at least 20 minutes a day. Getting a library card has been one of the best things I have done! It has saved us so much money because of how many books we go through. Whether it be Elijah reading books to me or the other way around. We read simple stories we get from the library, we read chapter books, and we read the bible. It really doesn’t matter to me what we read as long as we are spending some time with each other each day! It is a way for us to connect and have fun! During the school year Elijah earned SO many rewards for all of his reading and most of them came in the form of food. Whataburger coupons, Pizza Hut, Papa Murphy’s, and Braum’s to name a few! We collected them up and use them when the budget was tight! So on this day we used the free ice cream from Braum’s coupons to get a little sweet treat!
_MOM TIP #2 Find free museums
Elijah has always loved anything to do with the military. Ever since he was a toddler he has been infatuated with the little plastic army men and setting them up for battles. I truly think it began because his biological dad was in the National Guard Reserves, so naturally he thought it was really cool. I have never discouraged his interest in this but more so encouraged it.
To serve in the military is a huge responsibility and a great honor. If you have served, or are serving currently, thank you.
He still finds great joy in all things military so I thought what better place to take him to than to The 45th Infantry Museum.
Museums are a fabulous way to spend your day, which is why I said to choose things that interest your child. If your kid doesn’t enjoy things about the military I wouldn’t take them to a museum that offers nothing but military artifacts! You will get worn out and frustrated super fast and the point is to have fun not to do something just to say you did it.
We walked in and signed our names in the book and asked the man at the front which way we should start. We walked through and I have to say for someone who has grown up interested in history it was very neat. I am the kind of person who gets distracted easily but the information and all of the artillery and guns were fascinating to look at.
It was interesting to read about the different wars.
To know that the things we were looking at were legitimately used by men who served was very cool. We took our time and Elijah had fun telling me what guns were AK-47’s and which ones were used for certain battles. His knowledge about these things blew me away! He has my dad to thank for that.
_MOM TIP #3 Avoid unnecessary expenses
We finished up inside in the gift store which is the only place we spent money. I bought Elijah another collection of plastic army men for $10 which isn’t a bad price at all. This was an optional expense so you could easily avoid the gift shop if you need to! Outside they have big tanks and various forms of transportation. By the time we got out there we had just enough time to walk around and look at them before it started to rain on us! Overall it was a short afternoon and we both really enjoyed our time here!
Make sure and subscribe below to keep receiving the best mom tips and summer bucket list ideas! Please leave comments and share any of your own summer bucket list adventures as well! Maybe I will feature you and your kids!
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