What's Wrong With Me?
I’m not sure how many of you have had or do have any health issues. I am almost positive though that if you don’t currently have any, you will at some point. I don’t mean that to be negative but let’s face it, in todays society we aren’t the best stewards of our temple. We fill our days with errands and activities and work and leave hardly any time for rest and reset. We tend to not exercise much and some of us don’t exercise at all. We eat fast food and ingest all kinds of chemicals and pesticides and for the most part it’s simply because we haven’t taken the time to make it a priority.
But what about the people who have health issues and are trying everything in their power to BEAT them? What about the ones like me, who have exhausted what seems to be every single option to find an answer? And even once we find an answer, we continually have to fight against whatever the answer is. What about those of us who are T I R E D ?
I’m going to get right down to it. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroid disease which is a fancy term for JACKED UP HORMONES. I fully believe this developed out of undiagnosed adrenal fatigue (another fancy term for TOO MUCH STRESS). I was in a very mentally abusive and exhausting relationship at the time which sent me into full out anxiety mode. Getting pregnant at 18 right out of high school, still dealing with the relationship, and now taking on adulthood. Yeah, it didn’t really help my stress levels. Continue on in the next years to come it was just constant anxiety and stress and depression as I dealt with what was now my life. I started battling it more and more yet my thyroid levels were all “normal”. I felt ANYTHING and EVERYTHING besides normal. Not to mention that emotionally my world was very very dark.
I had horrible acne on top of that. I couldn’t seem to lose weight, and then I lost too much. My cycle was extremely irregular and then completely non-existent. I would have fits of rage and then deep depression. I couldn’t sleep at night. I mean I REALLY couldn’t sleep. I would wake up after sleeping for maybe 2-3 hours. This happened 5-6 nights out of the week. I developed migraines which literally could put me on the floor and unable to speak because of how painful they are. I would get bruises out of nowhere. I mean just really odd stuff. I can’t begin to even tell you how much money I have spent going to doctors and trying different things to figure out what the heck was wrong with me.
We tried Benadryl to try and help me sleep, with no luck. Ambien was next but it didn’t help at all either and the side effects of it were not worth the risk. I paid around $450 a month to get rid of my acne. Thank you Acutane and Dr. Brazeal! At least that worked for me. I’ve tried tons of diets and workout programs some worked and some didn’t. When it came to my anxiety and depression we mostly have relied on neurotherapy which seemed to help a little but not a lasting difference. CBD didn’t make a difference for me either. No Tylenol or ibuprofen ever helped my migraines. We finally found imitrex and that will make them better for a while but I am still having them.
I finally decided to go to the one place I knew I would find answers. Facebook. Let’s be honest, we have all done it! It was my last resort but I just could NOT handle the depression anymore. It was beginning to take over my life. I posted on my timeline something along the lines of “Here is everything that’s wrong with me, here’s what I’ve tried, WHERE DO I GO AND WHAT DO I DO? SOS, SEND HELP PLZZZZ.”.
When you post things like this people LOVE it because they get to tell you everything they know and it makes them feel smart. Trust me I know, I do it too. So I of course had about 600 comments (exaggeration) in a matter of 30 minutes. In the time I posted it I also felt like I was supposed to text one of my clients wives who I knew was very into natural medicine and extremely health conscience. I told her kind of what was going on and what she would recommend. She immediately responded with her Doctors name and some good advice and I told her I would check into it later when I got off work.
I looked her up and I was AMAZED. She had referred me to the same doctor and doctors office that so many people on my facebook had mentioned. I don’t take things like this as a coincidence. I was so sick and tired of trying new doctors and new medicine and never getting any answers. I had prayed to God and told him please please just send me where I need to go. Not knowing why I felt like I shouldmessage her but doing it anyways ended up giving me the confirmation I needed to have peace about going to this doctor’s office and investing the time and money to find an answer.
I took that was Gods way of saying “I have ALL of these people telling you where to go, but I know where your heart is right now so I am going to give you an even greater confirmation through her…
All you have to do is ask.”
part 2 to come… subscribe to get the next part of the story!
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A while back I heard a song that really spoke to me. I am super into music and lyrically this song spoke straight to my soul. Do you have a song like that? Sometimes a song will take us back to a moment in life or make us dream of a future moment. It really is neat to me how when words and melodies are combined they can tell us a story or provoke a certain feeling in us. When I heard this song it immediately took me straight to the throne of Jesus. It took me to a new place of surrender.
I have this problem where I really feel anxious when I am unsure of what is to come. I never realized how much I struggled with needing to feel like I was in control of my life. When I think about it, it is actually pretty funny because the longer I live the more I also realize that I don’t have much control at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I make choices and those choices determine a lot of things. What career to have, who to marry, where to live? All of these are decisions that I get to make, things that I can control. But then there are some decisions that really aren’t up to me. Sometimes other peoples decisions decide for us what our circumstances look like. THIS part of life I know a lot about. A ton of things in my life for the last 8 years have been so unknown to me because they dealt directly on waiting on another person to make a decision. And whatever their decision was would in turn direct my next steps. Their decision would begin the words to the next chapter in my story.
When I think about it I am pretty sure that’s when my issue for needing control all began. I sat anxiously waiting for someone else to determine what they felt would be best for them and then work my life around it. The scary part of that was the fact that this person was selfish. In it for himself. This person didn’t care a lick about my life or what happened to me or how I felt. He was not trustworthy.
Im here to say that when I heard this song for the first time I realized not only was I okay with walking into unknown places but I was truly desiring it. It sounded thrilling and exhilarating. A great adventure! So what was the difference? The difference was who was calling me into the unknown.
God vs. Man.
_MAN had proven to be selfish, needy, greedy, prideful, deceitful, and dangerous.
_GOD had proven to be just, faithful, loving, gracious, selfless, forgiving, and safe.
I can hear the words of this song and be filled with peace instead of anxiety. I can be filled with hopeful expectation instead of dread of the future. I can listen with excited ears instead of apathetic ears. Who knew that walking into a wilderness that you have never ventured into before could leave you feeling an overwhelming sense of harmony? This is what happens when you decide to let the perfect God be your guidance into the unknown. His voice as your arrow.
You will walk into the unknown places in perfect peace and then in the most perfect timing you will see the light break through.
“My forever in Your heart, Your steps I will follow. I put my trust in who You are, Your voice is my arrow. And I will walk into the dark to see how the light breaks through. I will run into Your arms, I will hold on to You. I will lift my eyes to things unseen to the promise in Your victory and I will build my life on the mystery of where You call me, and I will go into the unknown. I can’t be shaken with Your words hidden in my heart. I can’t contain what I have seen, light rising from the dark. I will lift my eyes to things unseen, to the promise in Your victory. And I will build my life on the mystery of where You call me, and I will go into the unknown.”
–Unknown, Mosaic MSC
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When you read this title you either smiled or cringed.
Hearing the term “the one” usually brings one of two things, joy or frustration. With valentines day we are bombarded with ideas of this. You can’t go anywhere without seeing flowers and chocolates and pink and glitter and romance novels. You may be the one full of joy because you are in a happy dating relationship or marriage with a promising future and you feel you have found “the one”. You may be frustrated because your dating relationship is non-existent, or not progressing how you wish it was left wondering if this person is “the one”. Or maybe you are like so many people who wonder if they will EVER even find “the one”.
The LORD spoke to me about this earlier in the week. We were discussing the issue of soul-mates. The world tells us that we have to search and pray for God to give us this one certain person who will complete us. We have this idea in our head that another human will come in and make everything finally whole about us. I am here to tell you my friends this is simply not true.
Don’t get me wrong, God cares about your desire for relationship.
He created us this way. It is not WRONG to have these dreams of god-honoring marriages. In fact marriage is intended to be a picture of the GOSPEL for the world. He created us in this way to find help in each other and to grow us closer to HIM. There is a spiritual element to marriage and relationships that is unlike any other. But why? Why are relationships so important to God and to us?
The answer is because we have a longing (placed in us by GOD) to be fully known and fully loved. We want to feel whole and complete. We want to be accepted exactly as we are. Not only do we want to be accepted for who we are but we want to be cherished regardless of our flaws. We so desperately long for this intimacy that will leave us feeling full and satisfied and desired. That’s one reason why we enjoy sex, because of the intimacy that is created when we engage in it. It is a spiritual connection to another human that for a time leaves us feeling full and satisfied. But, with that being said, you always have to go back for more. The feeling is not sustainable.
You may think you have found “the one”,
But have you?
You may think you need to be searching for “the one”,
But do you?
You may think “the one” is never going to come around,
But is this relationship right in front of you?
I hate to break the news to you my friends but God is not so concerned about this “one” person as much as we would like to think he is.
As I said, the LORD values relationship and he wants to bless them. But GOD is more concerned about him being “THE ONE”, than another human. But why? God knows how he created us and he knows our love for each other will fail in one way or another at some point. Thats why our human love or our sexual encounters never leave us full permanently. He created us in a way that HE was meant to be “THE ONE” for us. He knows that only HIMSELF can fill this gap. In the end of our lives God is the one who will continue a relationship with us on the other side of Earth if we choose him.
Quit thinking you’ve found the one who completes you. Quit thinking you are left to search for the one as if they are hiding. Quit thinking you will never find the one.
The God of the Universe is the one not your spouse or significant other. The God of the Universe is not hiding from you, He is after you. The God of the Universe is already right here, waiting.
He is “The One.”
“Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. “
– Psalm 136:2
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