It has been a whole year since you left us. A year full of changes and growth. A year filled with laughter and tears. An entire year has gone by that we have not been able to share with you or ask you for advice. I barely got to know you, and I miss you. I have to admit I wish I would had so much more time with you. I wish all of us would have had more time with you.
I thought about you when I found out I would be carrying your grandchild. I knew how much joy you would have been filled with if you had been able to hold them in your arms and teach them everything you know.
I thought about you often when Elijah asked me hard questions and I wasn’t sure how to answer him in a way an 8 year old would understand. You were so good with handling his fragile heart and understanding how to communicate with children, and I miss that.
I missed getting to celebrate you in the way most people got to celebrate their mother-in-laws on mothers day. I would have loved to have written you a pretty card and brought you flowers or taken you to dinner. I wish I could have honored you on that day the way I had always planned to.
At Christmas I did my best to bring memories of you to our family. I asked your son what items you made during the holidays that he would miss, and I did my best to execute making them. I am sure they missed the special flavor of a mothers love, but I tried.
It’s hard going to your house and you aren’t there.
You aren’t around to help me in understanding how to love your son well and be a good wife to him. I wish so badly I could still call you and ask you how in the world you managed to raise this difficult man, whom I love so dearly.
I think of you when I see Josh play the piano. I think of you when I hear David sing your praises. I think of you when I see the tender heart of Daniel. I think of you when I see Zach and his love for Jesus and children. I think of you when I see your sisters and hear them talk about memories with you. You touched every single person you came in contact with, so I see you all around.
There is so much I didn’t get to ask you.
There is so much wisdom you didn’t get to share with me. So many memories we missed out on making together. I am truly so sad that you aren’t here, but I have to rejoice.
_You showed me how to have strength in God’s love, even in the middle of fighting cancer.
_You showed me how to have grace and mercy to your children and husband.
_You warned me about the Dumbleton men and how much I was getting myself into coming into your family.
_You shared recipes with me.
_You adored each of your children equally, but uniquely.
_You took Elijah in immediately as your own grandson.
I have to rejoice in the time and moments we did share together. In the years of life you spent raising the man I married, you gave me a piece of you I will have forever. I have to rejoice because I know that no matter how much I miss you, you are with your heavenly Father. You are in the midst of perfection and you are not sad or missing us at all.
I will rejoice, because I know your lips are rejoicing for all eternity.
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A Gay Mormon.
I am a huge reader.
I love reading anything and everything. This last year I went on a journey to read a lot of biographies and non-fiction books. I have made my way through a lot of books and I am so excited to begin to share some of my experiences in my literature journey with you! I decided to start with a book I most recently finished called, “Saving Alex: When I was 15 I Told My Mormon Parents I Was Gay And That’s When My Nightmare Began.” This book is a biography written by Alex Cooper herself and Joanna Brooks.
I am sure by now you guys have noticed a pattern in some of the books I’ve posted about reading this year. A lot of them have been centered around the LGBTQ community, the bible, and stories of people who identify as LGBTQ or did at one point. Unfortunately, this post isn’t going to be amazingly controversial and I am not going to spit my opinions or beliefs on the topic, it’s truly about Alex’s journey and her story told in this book. So if you are looking for a conversation about my views, I would be glad to build a relationship with you outside of social media.
Now, on to the book.
Alex grew up in a normal mormon family. They attended church and believed that they would all get to heaven if they followed Gods plan. Gods plan for a mormon woman looks something like marry a missionary, lead a good life, have children and teach them how to also follow Gods plan and then when you die you will get to be with your family in heaven for all eternity. This is an extremely basic idea of how it’s supposed to go. But for Alex, she realized this idea of being with her family in heaven forever wasn’t a reality at all. She wouldn’t be able to marry a missionary because Alex liked girls.
She made the mistake of sneaking out to go with some friends out of town one weekend where she came into full realization of her sexual attraction to girls. She then made the mistake of blurting it out to her mom upon returning home. Her mom then lost ALL of her cool and proceeded to kick Alex out of their house, all while her dad sat silent. Alex went to a family friends house for a few weeks until her parents decided the best place for her to go would be to her grandparents house in Utah. Little did Alex know she was going to Utah, but she was definitely NOT being sent to stay with her grandparents.
She was sent to stay with a mormon family down the street from them who had guaranteed to be able to fix Alex and get her back on Gods plan.
In her months staying here
Alex fought suicidal thoughts, end even had a failed attempt. She had been abandoned by her parents, left with complete strangers, and would be there until she was no longer gay or could convince them that she wasn’t. She was no doubt emotionally and physically abused and neglected. Some of the things they had her do were forms of torture. Everyone in the town was under the impression that any kids sent to this family were troubled and when Alex had made desperate attempts for help, she was completely ignored and got a good beating afterwards. Once she was FINALLY allowed to go to public school upon some good beahavior, she made a few alliances who were able to help her escape and get free. It was an extremely long and emotional process all through legal means, but she did get free.
I really recommend this book for a fresh perspective on not only the inside life of someone who identifies LGBTQ but also how religion affects our behaviors and beliefs.
I truly believe there are obvious areas of deceit all through this entire book and I believe that someone with a heart after GOD’s will be able to see them. She gives some breathtaking statistics about kids who identify as LGBTQ and how many of them are suicidal, have drug addiction, are homeless or kicked out. A lot of teens even turn to prostitution and illegal things to be able to make money to survive after they are kicked out. This is not to say that the LGBTQ community or people who identify as that are all bound to be criminals, so don’t put words in my mouth. It is to point out that we have an entire community of people, young kids, who are hurting. Who are left abandoned by their own family members. They are made to feel inadequate and less than and often times their lives are so lonely they would rather not live. This is not okay with me.
No person should ever feel so alone and dirty and unwanted that they want to end their life.
So my challenge,
Read a book that might make you feel uncomfortable. Go into a conversation with someone different than you simply to hear THEIR story. Learn something about a culture or people who you feel you can’t or don’t relate to. At the end of the day we are all human and we all share the same emotions. You can relate on some level, and we need to learn to be willing to shut up and listen every once in awhile.
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I was talking to my son the other night while he was taking a shower and he was telling me how I am the best mom he has ever had.
He went on to start talking to me about his dad and how much he loves him. If you know anything about our life you know that Elijah’s dad is not his biological dad. I usually don’t even have to clarify who he is talking about anymore when he says dad because he rarely talks about his biological one anymore. He went on to tell me “I would take a bullet for my dad.”
This was the same evening I sat in Elijah’s bedroom crying my eyes out watching the Budweiser commercial about stepdad’s who stepped up. If you haven’t seen it, youtube it and get ready to cry. I sat there at his window looking out watching my amazing husband spend his evening playing baseball with Elijah and felt so overwhelmed with thankfulness that God had given him to us. There was a man pouring his time and love and knowledge into my precious boy, our precious boy, all out of his own choice to do so. Zach didn’t have to choose us. He didn’t have to choose to step into a dad role and what was at the time a very complicated situation. But he did.
When Elijah was telling me how much he loved me and his dad, I suggested he let Zach know how much he loved him. When he got out of the shower he went into the living room and I heard him say, “Dad, I love you so much. You are the best dad I have ever had.” It was so sweet and I of course was just overwhelmed again.
It wasn’t until two days later
on the car ride home when Elijah said, “Mom, Can I tell you something?”. I said, “Of course, what is it?”. He continued on to tell me that it was very easy for him to tell me I am the best mom he has ever had because I am his only mom but it was a lot harder to tell dad that because he has two dads and he loves both of them. Wow. I had not even THOUGHT for a second about my simple request to let his dad know how much he loved him would make him even consider his biological dad. I immediately let him know that is completely normal and it’s great for him to love both dads. I apologized for not thinking about that before suggesting he convey that sweet message to Zach and how thankful I was that he shared it with me.
If that’s not enough to get your heart pounding…
he came in to me last night after we had celebrated Zach for Father’s Day and said, “Mom, is it okay if I tell dad what I told you the other day about it being hard for me to love two dad’s?”. I of course let him know that was okay. He walked his cute little rear back to our bedroom and I heard him explain it to Zach who answered in the best way he ever could have.
“Buddy, I understand how that would be hard. And it’s okay. It’s okay for you to love both of us. Just know that I love you so much and I am so thankful for you because you are the whole reason I even get to be a dad at all. Thank you for letting me be your dad.”
Cue the waterworks.
Our story of redemption is not over. GOD is moving in our family. This Father’s Day is Zach’s first official one to celebrate and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to call the father of my children. Everything he does is for GOD first, and then for us. I respect this man beyond what my words could ever write or speak.
Pray for Zach. Pray for. Elijah. Pray for the baby on the way. Pray for my dad, and your own dad. If you aren’t married pray for the man who will father your children and lead your family. And also, pray for Elijah’s biological dad and all of the dad’s around the world. Pray for everyone who have lost their dad. Pray for the broken father/child relationships. We serve a good GOD who will work everything for His good.
Happy Father’s Day!
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The First Trimester.
By now you guys have all most likely seen the news, The Dumbleton’s will be welcoming in a new bundle of joy December 2019!
Praise GOD! We are so excited and blessed and we are thankful for everyones support. Pregnancy is exciting! When you first get the news your mind starts racing and your heart starts beating faster! You immediately want to tell the WORLD! What not many people will tell you though is that after the initial excitement wears off, your weeks ahead are filled with the craziest rollercoaster ride you will ever go on.
Let’s talk about my poor husband for a moment! If you saw the video I made where I combined all of our “reveals” into one you saw how he reacted when I told him. A good ol’ bro HIGH 5!? I was hysterical at his reaction. I am not sure any man really knows the “correct way” to respond or if there even is one but my husbands will go down in the books (or at least my blog!).
So why did I refer to him as my poor husband when I just delivered him some of the most exciting news – E V E R ?
For the next 8 or 9 weeks I was going to transform into someone he had never known before. No woman likes to go into detail about what happens to them when their hormones completely take over. Have you ever experienced someone with a schizophrenia disorder? At times a husband with a newly pregnant woman probably feels like having his wife diagnosed! I found out about my pregnancy SUPER early because we had been seeing a specialist. 4 weeks pregnant and we knew! By week 6 - the hormones had set in full force and my husband (who hates rollercoasters) began his ride.
When I was pregnant with Elijah I had “morning sickness” but nothing like with this child. First of all they should be honest and call it all day sickness because I don’t know of many moms who experience it only in the morning. But with Elijah by around 4:00 in the afternoon mine would subside and I could go about my day as usual. Not. This. Time. All day and all night it was constant nausea! Never actually throwing up but absolutely no appetite and what was worse – the smell of coffee made me gag! Zach literally would have to sit on the other side of the room to drink his coffee!
Not to mention the
E M O T I O N S.
Now ask anyone who knows me I am an empath and I am very emotional but this is ridiculous. One morning I was at Elijah’s school assembly and guess who cried during the national anthem? Guess who also could not stop crying at her nieces dance recital. Just about anything could make me cry. I wanted to cry when by week 10 my body had already adjusted to the idea of carrying a child and I was on the look for looser clothing, and introducing full blown maternity clothes by week 12! Not only could I get sad quick but my poor husband could do nothing right! He literally could have just walked in the room and I was annoyed with him without him ever saying a single word! I am also not one who is good at a hiding her emotions so you can imagine living with that!
And I cannot forget the exhaustion of the first trimester. Our bodies are literally developing a child from the moment that egg implants and is connected to its life source which is US. This is so freaking cool! I hope every person understands we are not being lazy during this first trimester, our bodies are working overtime to sustain and grow a human. I have had mono before and the tiredness that comes with pregnancy is much greater than that! It is so beautiful to me how GOD works all of this together and how after the first trimester is over, as it finally is for me, that I am still married to the man of my dreams and he and my tribe of people around me still love me!
Hello Second Trimester!
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I recently decided to start reading a book called “A Wife After God’s Own Heart” because let’s face it marriage isn’t easy. I love my husband so I want to improve on anything I can to show him that I love him.
One thing I have taken away from this book so far is how important it is to know the different roles we both play in our marriage.
This can be a little hard to swallow at times so bear with me! If we look biblically (which is what she does in the book) at the roles God has placed on us as wives we can see that we are supposed to help our husbands. We need to love him, and often times that is shown best by giving him respect. We are called to follow his lead, which also helps in the respect area! As well as we need to show him how much we appreciate his efforts in all that he does for us.
Sometimes it’s really hard to do all of those things, and do them well. I myself sometimes feel like I am doing really well at one or all of them only to find out from my husband he isn’t feeling that way at all! I know how frustrating that can be!
I do my best to praise him publicly and brag on social media about him, but then I disrespect him in front of our peers. Or I feel like I am helping out a lot around the house with chores, but completely forget to have his breakfast ready. I’ll be NAILING it by appreciating all of the hard work he puts in and then totally ruin it by complaining about some other small thing that didn’t quite meet my expectations.
These are not things that he points out to me regularly but they do come up, and they should! I want him to let me know when I have made him feel less than what he deserves from me. It’s painful to know you don’t meet the mark every time, but it is humbling and you have to know these things in order to grow and for your marriage to be full of richness.
She gives a few practical steps in how to be intentional on learning how to really live in our Godly roles as wives. They are actually very simple:
_Thank him for all of his efforts and refrain from pointing out the flaws in what he tries to accomplish. Focus only on the good!
_Ask him daily if there is any way you can help him accomplish the tasks he needs to get done. Could you pack his gym bag for him as he gets ready to leave for work? It can be simple!
_Respect him at ALL costs. This can be difficult for women because we typically don’t see respect as such a pressing issue but for men, it is how they feel the most loved and most capable. (This is the area I struggle the most in.)
_HAVE FUN! I am sure that you guys love spending time with your husband but we have to be so intentional in doing this. Make a priority to set aside some amount of time together at LEAST once a week even if it means staying up a little later than usual one night or sending your kids outside for 30 minutes and locking the door! We have to keep the fun element in our marriages!
I by NO means have this marriage thing figured out. I am actually really beginning to see just how much I don’t know about my husband and how marriage works. But I am learning. And I love him. But even more so I love GOD and I want to honor GOD in my marriage so I will do everything His word instructs me to do in order to love GOD well, and serve my husband.
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