The F Word.
It starts with an F and it’s four letters but it isn’t the one you’re thinking of.
We all have it. Some of our fears are legitimate and some are not. We have fear of spiders, sharks, heights, drowning, public speaking, rejection, the list goes on and on. Fear shows up in so many ways in our lives. But today we are talking about the hidden fears.
While fasting with my church this January I set my expectations on several things, one being my physical healing and two being that God would speak to me about which direction he would have Zach and I go in our pursuit to have more children. Would that come through my healing and my body beginning to function the way it should? Or did God want us to adopt, or maybe foster? These were a few things I was expecting Him to direct my path on.
God spoke and I didn’t like what He had to say. He allowed me to realize that I have a deeply rooted fear when it comes to physical healing and having a child. I never even KNEW I had any fear related to these things. While praying one day wondering “Why have you not healed me? I know you want to answer me, why am I not getting an answer from you?”. He made me see that I have fear of asking Him and believing because when we ask for the desires of our hearts we then set an expectation and when you have an expectation it sets you up to be let down.
I have been let down many times in my life. I was let down when my sons father didn’t follow through. I was let down when I believed I had been physically healed and haven’t seen it manifested. I’ve been let down when I gave so much to people to have them steal from me. I’ve let myself down. These let downs have two things in common: Humans & expectations.
In my heart something tells me believe will only bring disappointment.
I believe this because I set my expectations on humans rather than who God is. My fear is ridiculous. If I would trust that God is who He says He is and not set my expectations on the outcome but instead have a desire to know Him above what He can give me… I have no reason to fear. God won’t keep himself from me. He won’t keep himself from you.
I had to continue my fast. I had to learn to “Count it all as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him…” (Philippians 3) And guys this is HARD. To tell yourself, “I know how badly you desire to be healed and to have a baby, but that is all garbage compared to knowing God.” It sounds crazy- but I had to do it. I believe that through the fast God has gave me the desire to have healing and have a baby- He has it for me. God will deliver on His promises, He has too. But the joy that comes from his blessings are nothing compared to what He is going to give me in knowing Him more.
As hard as it is and as much as I have to force myself to say it… this has to be the cry of my heart:
I believe your promises are for me. I place my trust not in man, or in the outcome of my prayers. I know your word does not return void and I will see the goodness of the Lord. But more than that, You are my true blessing. You are the only thing that fulfills. I lay down my desires to you and say they are nothing compared to knowing you. Help my heart to believe.
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When you read this title you either smiled or cringed.
Hearing the term “the one” usually brings one of two things, joy or frustration. With valentines day we are bombarded with ideas of this. You can’t go anywhere without seeing flowers and chocolates and pink and glitter and romance novels. You may be the one full of joy because you are in a happy dating relationship or marriage with a promising future and you feel you have found “the one”. You may be frustrated because your dating relationship is non-existent, or not progressing how you wish it was left wondering if this person is “the one”. Or maybe you are like so many people who wonder if they will EVER even find “the one”.
The LORD spoke to me about this earlier in the week. We were discussing the issue of soul-mates. The world tells us that we have to search and pray for God to give us this one certain person who will complete us. We have this idea in our head that another human will come in and make everything finally whole about us. I am here to tell you my friends this is simply not true.
Don’t get me wrong, God cares about your desire for relationship.
He created us this way. It is not WRONG to have these dreams of god-honoring marriages. In fact marriage is intended to be a picture of the GOSPEL for the world. He created us in this way to find help in each other and to grow us closer to HIM. There is a spiritual element to marriage and relationships that is unlike any other. But why? Why are relationships so important to God and to us?
The answer is because we have a longing (placed in us by GOD) to be fully known and fully loved. We want to feel whole and complete. We want to be accepted exactly as we are. Not only do we want to be accepted for who we are but we want to be cherished regardless of our flaws. We so desperately long for this intimacy that will leave us feeling full and satisfied and desired. That’s one reason why we enjoy sex, because of the intimacy that is created when we engage in it. It is a spiritual connection to another human that for a time leaves us feeling full and satisfied. But, with that being said, you always have to go back for more. The feeling is not sustainable.
You may think you have found “the one”,
But have you?
You may think you need to be searching for “the one”,
But do you?
You may think “the one” is never going to come around,
But is this relationship right in front of you?
I hate to break the news to you my friends but God is not so concerned about this “one” person as much as we would like to think he is.
As I said, the LORD values relationship and he wants to bless them. But GOD is more concerned about him being “THE ONE”, than another human. But why? God knows how he created us and he knows our love for each other will fail in one way or another at some point. Thats why our human love or our sexual encounters never leave us full permanently. He created us in a way that HE was meant to be “THE ONE” for us. He knows that only HIMSELF can fill this gap. In the end of our lives God is the one who will continue a relationship with us on the other side of Earth if we choose him.
Quit thinking you’ve found the one who completes you. Quit thinking you are left to search for the one as if they are hiding. Quit thinking you will never find the one.
The God of the Universe is the one not your spouse or significant other. The God of the Universe is not hiding from you, He is after you. The God of the Universe is already right here, waiting.
He is “The One.”
“Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. “
– Psalm 136:2
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